life as it fucking stands...

So I owe you all a MAJOR fucking update.

All things first, the URL has been switched back - yes! I know; let it be, let it be.

Anywhew, let's pick up where we left off:

So past SB, I holler at this cutie from OkCupid - his name is James, and my god, I believe I'm in lust. I want him, I want his body, he's tall, dorky, intelligent, quirky, just shy short of GLORIOUS - how's that? we haven't tested his sex yet... hehe

So Feb. 14 rolls around, I'm busy as a mo-fuck trying to get some semblance to occur at the new 'pad'. Sheets and clothing and my MarcPC (the laptop) and any other goodies necessary (including the Lube!!) Time flies as it ever does and suddenly I'm rushing to get ready, to get to the city, and to meet my prize.

Waiting in Penn Station (was it Penn?) for him to arrive from NJ, I'm anxious, nervous, shaky; I can't wait to see him, I barely sense his presence yet I know he's nearby. He arrives, he's everything.


Well for my memory's sake, let's just hobble along to the good stuff- so my room isn't ready, there's barely a cot inside and the floor is bare cement, we're in Chicca & Frankie's room (or as it was known then) and we're spread out on the floor, before the cot (omg, the cot was still around at this time!) and we're across from each other, Frankie steps out for a bit, me and James chat, and suddenly we're making out, I'm loving it - his kiss, his touch, his warmth, I sense his knowledge, his being, his interests, and I get hard - I'm loving every moment of this...

Frankie walks back in and is all 'whoa-oh' lol, of course me and James aren't rude so we cut back but UNFORTUNATELY, the loose ass boxer briefs I wear have my goodies all up out and folks can easily see. Ugh.

Well skim ahead a bit, James is trying on some of Frankie's clothes for our night out, we head to the city, chat here and there, connect oh so well. In the city, find Cubbyhole (which is now me and Chicca's all time fav bar) and we party there - yay!
We're kissy kissy, photos are taken, fun is had.

Skim ahead, 3 days later, I'm infatuated. I want James and I want James bad - unfortunately, the same cannot be said on his part as I later find out. *tears*

What was supposed to be a night over on Valentine's Day became a 3 day vacay for us and when he left, I felt this uber great warmth fill me whole. I was excited to finally be settled (to some degree). I was finally proud to be complete.

Fast forward, scenes flashing by - I am soooooo fucking monogamous. I am hot, bothered, horny, and crazed. James and I have been speaking via emails and short MSN quirps throughout the weeks. Apparently he's 'fine', apparently he's 'okay', apparently he has the ability to web surf and post incessantly on his fav sites - but he can't even set aside a few minutes, an hour or two for me?? His PC is aged and tired and can't handle the stress of more than one app? Let me fix it!

=========
1 day before our 'month anniversary'
So I'm out with the roomies at Mr. Black, told them the history and how much I loved the party. We headed out with Chicca's co-worker Ariel (and internally, despite my drunken stupor, I sensed this dude was no good) in his car all tipsy and shit over to the city. Get there and rock the night away. To myself I make a silent vow, if James cannot contact me in some form by midnight, I'm single. Ho boy was I single. I left the club with this cute as model to his midtown flat. Sex. Was. Uh. Maze. Zing.

I'm torn inside, I want James, but he doesn't want me.

=========
A month and 2 weeks later, I've had it. I decide to background search this dude - first stop, his myspace, nothing's changed, ok - shortly before on his fav forum, his account was banned, so he asked to use mine, which i was glad to lend - stop 2, his fav forum - but wtf? my account is locked out? no wait, my password was changed... um what?! Try to reset it but apparently the damn email on the account was changed too - WTF?! THIS IS A FERNANDO TATIC! YOU CAN'T OUTDO THE 'MAKER! I exhale and a PC is formed in whole, in perfection right before, how the hell dare you one up me!

Stop 3, his okcupid - apparently he's single now... oh hell fuck no, we're going back to high school with this shit?! Fernando goes into overdrive and begins switching shit up like no tomorrow, Stop 1, fav forum, attack MY old account and get that shit banned - no more for James, you don't dare do that. Stop 2, all my online accounts I've switched to being in a relationship get switched back to single. Stop 3, is he online? Yes? We're gonna talk.

Mind you, this all occurred while I had a hook up coming and eventually in my room. HOW HORRIBLE OF ME! LAWL

This hook up would alter my mindscape for the next few fucking months

So James is online and I message him -

Saturday, March 28, 2009
James (1:41:48 PM): .

mrtrblmkr1 (1:41:48 PM): I am away from my computer right now.
mrtrblmkr1 (1:51:00 PM): hey

James (1:51:00 PM): Shower.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:51:07 PM): what is up with you? seriously.

James (1:52:05 PM): I dunno.
James (1:52:13 PM): have you been itchy?

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:28 PM): not anymore, i got rid of the bedbugs.

James (1:52:39 PM): well, here's a news flash: they're not bed bugs.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:42 PM): so took over my acct at idol forums, single on cupid... what's up?!

James (1:52:46 PM): they're Scabies.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:51 PM): scabies from what?

James (1:52:56 PM): you gave me parasites.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:18 PM): what type? an actual std or something else?

James (1:53:35 PM): they're contracted most often from sexual or physical contact with another person, usually through touching with little to no clothing.
James (1:53:48 PM): they can also be transferred from bed linen.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:51 PM): weird as hell
mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:55 PM): then most likely bed linen
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:03 PM): i've been to the hospital and doc recently
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:09 PM): my immune system is just stronger
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:16 PM): i have a clean bill of health.

James (1:54:33 PM): did the dry patches on your hands and stuff go away?

mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:54 PM): yea, immediately. that was from frequently bleaching

James (1:55:08 PM): that's from the mites burrowing in one's skin.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:56:02 PM): ewwwww - well it's been over a month and last i check myself (the weekend I was hoping for you to come) was that weekend and again thereafter

James (1:56:39 PM): I wasn't too furious, because they're microscopic and you had no idea, and wouldn't have much indication.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:59:02 PM): so what now? are you okay? did they prescribe azithromycin? do you no longer care to be around me? i'm so out of the blue, especially because you continually use the net yet never contact me at any degree.

James (2:00:35 PM): I'd be down with maintaining a friendship.
James (2:01:32 PM): but for me to even think about seeing you and being with you in that way is out of the question, as who knows what else you could have. you didn't know about this, after all, so even if you feel sure you're clean...you would need to go thru the same treatment I am to be 100% certain.
James (2:02:53 PM): it wasn't right of me to ignore you, that's for sure.
James (2:04:03 PM): I was just trying to keep my distance in case it was something worse. after the itching escalated, I knew personally it wouldn't work. but I didn't want to accuse you of being the cause until I had it all explained to me.
James (2:05:17 PM): but I mean...you've gone to sex parties. so that's clearly one possible source.
James (2:06:01 PM): and the other thing about these mites is that they only show up 4-6 weeks after infestation, which is why I only started getting bumps in March.

mrtrblmkr1 (2:06:56 PM): well the thing is, despite my sex partying and flagrant nature, i'm very safe, very very safe, get tested bi monthly, etc
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:13 PM): and i have received medication, but for a different purpose, i don't think i'm clean, i know i am
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:36 PM): azithromycin, which is why i asked, i had to get that and epipens because the bed bugs where out of control
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:44 PM): regardless, i'd like to continue our friendship
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:50 PM): you definitely have a friend here in ny
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:57 PM): and hopefully, maybe, we can pursue something further

James (2:08:06 PM): cool to know
mrtrblmkr1 (2:08:08 PM): but in the meantime, we still have to watch Golden Boy!! argh

James (2:08:13 PM): indeed
James (2:08:24 PM): you should get a less scummy place hopefully by the summer

mrtrblmkr1 (2:08:51 PM): it's actually changed, ten fold, be surprised, and if anything, we'd grab a hotal space

James (2:08:58 PM): I definitely don't want to stay in such a shithole again. shoulda known better, but ya know, being with you kinda outweighed the slums.

mrtrblmkr1 (2:09:43 PM): hehe, i know, i'm very persuasive, i didn't want to do that to you however, i'm sorry for all the trouble i caused
mrtrblmkr1 (2:09:51 PM): btw, you should look into this surgery
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:04 PM): one used to boost your immune system and correct it
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:17 PM): i had it done as a child which is why i'm less allergic to many things
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:39 PM): basically, they inject various venoms into you, but in ridiculously small amounts, just like a vaccine, and your body learns and copes

James (2:11:22 PM): k, well, I'm gonna go shower and apply this cream to kill the parasites embedded in my skin and causing me to scratch like a cat in heat.
James (2:11:27 PM): so be back on later/tomorrow.


=====
Ok, me give you parasites?! the fuck? Not moi, I'm way too clean. And the day I invited him over, I gave him multiple warnings as to the state of things.


***Bleh - so James falls through *tears* I really did like him - the sex was kinda awkward though, but that's a story to be told in person only =]

Well, the day I spoke to him last (the convo above), I had already been messing around with various dudes starting with the day after our 'anniversary'. That same very night I was partying up at Mr. Black, I landed eyes with this GORGEOUS skinny model-esque latino boy; later do I find out he IS a model *internal laughter* Well he takes me to his place in the city, 'bout 10 blocks from Mr. Black (the former location near 40th st, it's now at Crash Masion a block from houston) and we have crazy sex - I release this pent up horned raged I had FOREVER - I leave him more than satisfied and he's about to pass out. Embarrassing though, as I search my belongings (strewn about the room) I suddenly can't find my wallet; WTF?! how am I to get home? I sheepishly have to turn to him and regale my story, of course he's uber sympathetic (I only JUST gave his hole the best pounding of the week - if not the month) and gives me some cash to head home.

Fast-forward a week or so and this random dude hits up my cell - huh? What?! You have my wallet!!?? Thank god! I was going nuts! It was this cute as ever Asian dude who had managed to grab my wallet off the floor at Mr. Black and hold on to as I fled the night with my model cutie. We arranged to meet and get back my wallet. Guy is cute, we facebook connect, blah blah the usual. I wonder what he's up to now... He's a doctor too =D

Well now it's the day of said convo above, and I was already done with James. Day of convo, I invite the worst guest to walk into my life for nearly 6 months. Robert Gonzalez - ugh, the headache the name brings up alone. Six months wasted; totally trashed, but I learned my lesson and hopefully I'm not repeating that scenario again.

We met on A4A, been talking for awhile. He's not cute at all, not really my type save for the droopy, dorky eyes; he's pasty, really thin, frail-looking, has a sickly appearance and can barely dress. When he talks though it's cute, very childish and reminds me of myself - me and my baby talk. Well my plan goes right into effect - I had no care to really socialize and get to know the boy, just play my ploy and get what I want, ass and hustle him out. I got it all right, I got it nice and raw, my cock pumped in and out his holes the few times over the course of the next 6 months to keep me in check thankfully.

All the while I was with the kid, I learned way too much about guys I could care less about and garnered way too much drama than I could carry or care to carry for that matter. I learned about his circle of hook ups, his history amongst various other guys, his friends (or lack thereof) and the SADNESS his family is. The best memory I have of his mother and step-father is the first weekend I got to spend over at his mother's home (where he was staying here in NY). Of course, I was staying over under the guise that I was never there - unfortunately I had SOOO much gaming shit with me (that was the only thing that kept us together more or less, he was into games and I didn't mind playing them) that our secret really didn't last for more than 2 seconds and his mother went to carajo-land and back with an unnecessary and disrespectful grossly-ghetto attitude attack. The most prominent detail of the situation that shines in my head 'til today is how his mother could blow up about her and her son's ridiculous and disgusting pass before me when I had no correlation to it or barely to them. She literally stood her fat ass before me and Robert and yelled at him about stupid shit I could care less about for a good hour. So you hosted Robert's ex when you lived down in Florida for nearly a year or however long you had him over and he never paid rent and had the audacity to fuck OTHER guys you and Rob were totally unaware of and didn't know in your all up in your home (and literally ALL up in yo' house) - if I caught wind of such the first time, his ass would've been out there and then WITH a beat down. Clearly, if you could let such go on for sooooo long (and shit like Robert wouldn't give up ass to his ex Angel, whose real name is Miguel, yea, I know, *puke*, so Angel would hook up with dudes from A4A not only in Rob's room, but in the living room, bathroom, ROB'S MOMMA'S ROOM, just EVERYWHERE! Best times were especially when Rob would be in his room playing his vid games and Miguel would invite his "friend" over [and in this particular story, it was also Rob's "friend"] and Miguel was fucking the dude right in the next room - wow, nice.)

I can't believe I just associated myself with stupidity. That paragraph above couldn't be any more stupid. Well 6 months of me pumping and dumping loads in Rob and various other guys - why various other guys? After a month of full monogamy, sometime in May, his laptop just dies on its own, the boot sector is corrupted, not unusual. Well I fix him one of my laptops to use in the meantime whilst I fix his. I, of course had been going concerned and wanting to know what he's been up to on his laptop since the past week he'd been on it all day and would barely interact with me. On the temp-laptop I fixed for him, I installed tracking software and little bugs behind to log his action - the shit I discovered a few weeks into the month blew my mind. Apparently he was chatting up guys left and right with some detailing gross shit, how he would love these guys to be his 'papi', to fill his hole, etc. For all I know at this point, the times I've been out of the house or he was back at home, he'd probably been hooking up with these guys - we'll see who laughs last.

Fast forward six ridiculous months, I've slept with nearly a dozen guys whilst I was with Rob, some raw - while I was fucking Rob raw, and had gotten into fist fights with Rob twice and finally kicked him out. I drove my point into him and his mother so hard Robert basically skipped the state and flew back to his dad's home down in Florida. Don't fuck with me.

BTW - I easily won both fist fights, left Robert a bruised face and scar.

Now I have to catch up on life and normalcy - I had recently moved out for the umpteenth time and I have responsibilities. I'm behind nearly 8 months rent and bills aren't getting paid - why? I decided to dive in whole into the Robert-effect and skipped work, bills, life in whole.

Jobs are spewing in now, shit I've been missing when I was with Robert, and guys are spewing back in again. I play catch-up with my bills, but the rent remains unpaid, I have to figure out what to do about that and pronto - enter one of my fav clients Tammy. She throws me with a proposition I can't refuse; fly out to Georgia for a month and work on this project she has and mind and she'll pay me a good amount. Of course I bite and that leads to the next chapter.

ADRIAN, TWINKS, and the COUNTRY===============================

I'm thinking of titling and chapter-ing my blog. Let this be the first.
Well it's now towards the end of August, I get tested just in case I might've caught something in the Robert affair - I'm HIV negative, no surprise. And guess what?! I turned 21!!!! What better than to have my hair EMERALD GREEN and to head about upon the town in drag? I was loved the night of my birthday, loved so much and I welcomed full adulthood with open arms. Unfortunately I grabbed a little too much.

The plan for the Georgia trip had to be pushed back due to some unforeseen circumstances, that's fine - so what better than to occupy my time with some more guys?!?!!?!? Anyone see a pattern? Yea, I'm a horny fuck. That's where Adrian rears its ugly head.

Enter stage right - ugly faggot.
AGAIN, I meet this dude off A4A, re-peating-fucking-pattern folks? Yes. Yes indeed.

He's cute at least, I'll give him that - at least in his photos! This dude's face is very dimpled and holed, worn with the use of drugs and something other I can't put my hand on. He lives only a stop away from my old place in City Line, not bad, I could even walk to this guy! So I do, meet up with him, fuck his hole nice and good, dump a load in it, keep fucking, on and off, switch up positions, etc. We have fun, it's all good. He asks if I would like to stay over - well of course! So I saddle up under the sheets nekkid waiting for him to join me. In the meantime we're high off our fucking asses - I'm a pothead now, WHOLE-NOTHA-STORY, literally, it's a sub-story with chapters of its own to the Robert saga (much too much to divulge at this hour, my brain is racking with trying to catchup to now as it is). No matter how high I may be however, I recognize pill bottles and various brands from a mile away - Merck manual age 8, PDR black book age 10 anyone? Hello? I wanted to be a doctor remember? Well it's a bottle of Atripla - google it folks, you'll know why within this second I want to commit suicide. I ask him what the pills are for and he said they're sleep meds to help him sleep easier. Oh! whoops, this is the second day of being with him lol, not the first. Anywhew, so said pills are apparently to help him sleep, ok... Another friend of mine who I caught the pills with as well said they were for his back pain... I pass that info on to Adrian and he says, "well yea, they could be for that too." Of course I bluntly tell Adrian to be truthful, that I'm aware what the pills are for and there's no need to lie to me, I even google search the shit on my phone for him and point him to good ol' wikipedia. He attempts to shrugs and asks, "then why would my doctor prescribe them?" Now this is the point where I would go Ape-Shit Nuts but I can't because I just blazed with cheap hispanic weed - more on this in the upcoming chapters - so instead I just tell him to spit it out, just confess and instead he leans up on me and starts to "weep" into my shoulder, he's HIV positive and that was his med. Nice, real nice Fernando - and I just fucked and have been fucked by this dude HOW MANY TIMES now? Within a two day time-frame?? Fuck it, I don't care, let's see how this plays out. Fly through a week of ridiculous-ness (and this is when I learn how I not only am disgusted and dislike blacks, I'm disgusted and dislike hispanics as well - especially the ghetto-thug-like whatever ones) and constant high-ness, it's morning of Sept. 6. Time for my flight to Georgia in just a few hours, and I'm out partying with Adrian, high and drunk off my ass, arguing with his stupid ass on 23rd and 9th. Why? Because his fucking ass is maniacal - STAY AWAY FROM THIS GUY! ADRIAN SANCHEZ! HE'S FUCKING 'TARDED! We're leaving his 'auntie's' place and I forget what exactly started the argument but next thing I know he's all up in my face and pushing me and I do what I know to do best - throw some fist in da air! Joline would be proud of me =] My momma would be proud of me! Unfortunately, and this is why I hate hispanic weed, I can't react as well and I'm losing - there's even a point where this infected faggot Tyson's my fucking ear! All I remember is me now down on the ground plotting my next move but deceptively looking like I'm cowering to Adrian. Down at my face next minute and I pull him in to fuck him up and flee - I get in some heavy face punches this time as now I'm in control and I can assess what to do - get them face pounds in and then I run my ass to the nearest cab and head home, I'm not dealing with him. 20 billion texts later and he misses me horribly, same as Robert - of course they miss me! I'm the fucking shit baby!

Crusted ear and caffeine-d up 4 hours later, I'm at the airport reading for my flight to Georgia - again, this little adventure out there is a whole other story itself but nothing vital of life-turning.

Enter the Twinks!

I'm gonna have to sign off here tonight - this section to come later =]




***NOTE: I had been 4-5 months since I last even THOUGHT at this post, some info might be off as it's been awhile since I thought of what occurred.