fuck medicine...

ugh, my ass has been on this emotional bender for the greatest amount of time thus far, stemming from monday last week til today and still ongoing.


At first I thought it might have been a reaction to me suddenly stopping the herbal supplements I had been taking, that this aggressive emotional imbalance might be a side-effect of suddenly dropping a new medication routine, only to realize that such a shit wouldn't last more than a few days, and shouldn't occur days after ending a med routine.


I am grateful, VERY GRATEFUL, as horrible as I may show it, if ever. EBG, know that I love what you do for me, and like you way too much for you to leave me anytime soon. Sappy as it is, but you've been one of the few pillars of support that have kept me stable.


So once again I go on the pursuit of love. on Adam4Adam. Ugh. Well in my pursuit I find a guy my heart automatically flutters for. Mind you, throughout my time in the world of sex, I have learned to differentiate between lust and love, want and need. This guy seemed like a want at first, my latest catch - but it became more than that immediately, I have yet to meet him and I sense something more. I sense this desire to more than be with him, to more than fuck him/be fucked. I sense I need to grow with him, get old, raise children, the dogs, the horses and cattle on our farm in Wisconsin- the hell? Where are all these strange ass thoughts coming from?

I message him, and because I'm a bitch and need to remember everything, his name is Ciro aka yardley. Well, some days go by before I actually get a response - wha? At first he's all 'hey, hi, how are ya', I'm all, 'you list as working in IT? you trying to hone in on my PC game here at home?' and he's all 'naw, my ex used to do that, i don't know any of it' etc, etc. Well some more txts fly by when finally we decided to meet - well fuck do I get happy, I'm fucking inebriated on the fact that we get to meet! WOOT! Well, we do meet at his place, which is about a 5 minute walk from me - HOW GREAT?! FINALLY I CAN HAVE MYSELF A BOYFRIEND WITHIN MINUTES OF ME!

Get to his place, he had been complaining earlier of his back and I told him I'd give him a massage. Usually I'm really good but I'm nervous about pulling off his shirt so I do it with his shirt on which is just bad and not up to the standards I strive for - he pulls it off and instantly I burn up at the site of his flesh, his body is AMAZING, he's toned yet fleshy, this great suppleness to his body. I begin working up my masseur skills and this time I finally get to a level I feel confident in, working his lower back and his shoulders, aiming for stress points and focusing on dispelling the tension in his back. This gets him going to the point of light moaning and shifting, he flips around and begins reciprocating my sexual tension, kissing me, grabbing my face down towards his, leaning me in to him, his lips so fucking soft, the feel of them, glorious against mine. Hastily we tear each other's clothes off, nearly ripping mine off as his undoes his pants. I'm there on his bed in my underwear, he's hovering above me in his, cocks hard, we begin to grind.

Ciro has a massive member, a really thick fucking dick and I can sense the thickness of his cock against me and easily make out he's around 3" at the base of his cock, not measuring under his sack but solely his cock alone, rivaling the size of EBG's cock, if not besting it in girth but not length. The heat of out makeout session grows intensely, and candles he has lit earlier begin to flicker wildly and grow slightly, pouring more light into the room. I can make out his features even further as his gets up to take a breathe and check me out, he's fucking GLORIOUS, his body is amazing and I'm absolutely INFATUATED - is that it? Is this not love but infatuation? Fuck.

We resume our passion, underwear flies across the room, he begins working on me; the nape of my neck, my chest, my belly - to which he jokingly blows into my belly button, face fully in my stomach, making a farting noise as you would your child - a giggle from both of us and he continues downward, I'm loving EVERY FUCKING BIT, this is new, this is exciting, and this is what I anticipated and more. He senses what I want and I'm not nervous or tense any more, I'm willing and ready. He sniffs my crotch, sniffs my freshly washed skin and begins to lick my throbbing cock - FUCK does his tongue feel amazing, I'm already pre-cumming as I always do but this- this is insane, it's wild.

He works my cock over, works it thoroughly without leaving me slobbering wet, and then comes up and begins to kiss me. Whoa, his lips are amazing; soft, full and so fucking kissable, suckable, moist.

one month went by...

One fucking month. All spent on wasting valuable time @ American Apparel.

I was their in-house Computer Tech for 1 month to only be unceremoniously fired today.


mofo's. But yea, the company internally is in shambles and not many people believe or understand me. How has it been so profitable, especially during this rough time? Because they just chew and spit, and apparently that's cheaper for them then to Taste and Swallow. Spent a glorious amount of money on me as a new hire, only to expend me once they saw fit. Bleh, I have a dirty taste in my mouth now. Or maybe that's the onions...


So I've now stabilized at 165, however I'm hoping those recent 5 lbs weren't muscle and were fat, or that my improper eating this past few days has gotten to me and I can't do a proper chin-up at the moment. Either way, I need to start on my upper body pronto, I really want to surprise the family before Thanksgiving, get them to realize how fucking FAT they are (at least 1 aunt and 1 mother in particular). Unfortunately, I'm becoming very Marc Jacobs-ish; small, slender, female legs, and buff, defined upper body. My mother said how I'm developing a woman's body and that just crushed my recent happy high.


So now I drop by the AA offices tomorrow to pick up my final check, ew. The doorbell just rang, brb.


.... Ugh, neighbor upstairs locked herself out.

I registered to vote, Republican of course. Obama/Palin '08! woooo!!!
Wait 'til 2012 rolls around, Palin/Navarette! hehe.

Hrm... what else...
I made two young men happy, VERY happy. Got my little bro Fable II spechul edition, he DIEEEDD, like "NIN-TEN-DO!" died. and got a fully paid reserve of Empire: Total War, out Feb 9, he DIIIIEDD, and like "My aunt got my Disney Stocks, what do I do with that?! This is way better!" sorta way, glorious.

Ran into Max at the pivotal, climaxal point of my AA career, lookin' swanky and all, all Hilary Swank and shit, and got him oozing over moi, he haw.
Wait 'til he hears I was fired...

EBG has been pounding my hole recently. and like, REALLY pounding. He suddenly got to witness how a REAL Leo plays in bed, and he's been loving it. I've been loving it too, feeling him thrust his cock inside me, feeling the tense stiffness as it makes every thrust, every insertion into my silo- a rocket coming home, something so inconceivable. I told him earlier a little booze and my pain threshold lowers, but at the same time I'm still coherent and feel everything- my ass is tingling at the thought, hehe. But yessum, he got to feel good ol' me and I sorta replicated it again after dinner at Cafeteria, though not as great as that night. I guess knowing I was going to be removed from office got me searching for my ol' high, sex.

It also helped tremendously knowing EBG likes me, really likes me. I really really like him to and hope he gets that, even if I suck at showing it.


Cankre sores suck bad female scat ass. I still have had this sore on the inner part of my lip for the past two weeks, why? fucking drinking 'non-dairy' DAIRY creamer in my coffee, that and massive amounts of sodium intake. Those two fuckers fuck my system up and now I have a constant reminder until I normalize my diet and cleanse my body. Having EBG suck my face though helped, and creates a wild though painful experience. I'm enjoying it and want him to continue.


I also want to buff up yet stay small so he can have me as his fuck toy. Blow up dolls are passe.




Court judgment? 240.20 Disorderly Conduct. The equivalent to me trespassing. HAW! Fuck you Staples! That chapter of my life will soon be closed as I finish paying off the laptop that is now mein, MAHNER-DAMF-HEMPNITCHSE LON-DON!!!! lol, I love that german dude Patrick from Pam Ann's DVD.

My thighs are thick again, ugh, they're starting to rub and now I gots a biker's bump, eww.


Which, btw, the glorious Pacific I was riding around with the new fan-tab $90 brakes I bought? That got trashed and now I only own its brakes. Motherfuck, I'm bike shiva. and That's currently what's happening with my replacement bike, a huge ass trail bike, fucking, made my ass grow and inch taller just so I can pedal properly, legit, you gotta see this thing! It's a Raleigh (RAL-LEE), lemme pull up an image:
http://i402.photobucket.com/albums/pp105/Black-Francis/PA310001.jpg

And the Pilly craigslist post to match:
http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/bik/904120070.html


Uh... 35" standover? good for 6'1" AND ABOVE?!?! Thuh fuck, my small 5'10" frame cannot handle, I'm buying myself a new bike, and I think I found it, for $400 :D

so yea... i got the heater just blasting my back, 'bout to go to sleep.

Frozen Showers

Frozen showers...
So cold as I lose my breath
laying alone cold on a nylon slip-covered mattress
freezing as I exhale
cold, freezing water
cancerous white suds, shampoo, rinse, repeat
frozen water running on nerve-dead shins
the goosebumps that form as the water hits me bare
raw, naked, and fucking cold.
When I lay awake at night, blanketless
I grab the only thing to keep me sane
a full body pillow
suds on my rear
did I wash behind my ears?

the boiler's broken.
I took a frozen shower.

- Fernando N, 10/2/08

FUCK

my ass is still awake, all thanks to EBG's fuckability-ing.

After a hawt buttfuck, I rode around Chelsea on my bike a bit to see if I could find a food joint open to feed my sudden gripping hunger, evident by the noises arises through my esophagus into my head; some really deep, thunderous tones- really freaky shit.

Well didn't find crap so I thought I'd head to Union Sq. to either relax a bit or enter the subway at that station rather than the 8th Ave, when heading towards 6th Ave I noticed the new Diner (that's been there close to a year now) and decided to stop in. Fuckers, nothing's vegan, 'cept the Linguine Primavera which I didn't want but fuck, anything at this point, and a Berry Energizer, a shake sans any fucking cow by-product. -$23 dollars later (never fucking going there again) I had to handle a hot ass box of food and my steel-frame heavy ass bike (WITH NEW ASID PERFORMANCE BRAKES!!! And calibrated shifting, so it's like-new, aptly named 'Bikey') down into Union Sq.'s subway entrance and onto the platform, into the train, ride the fucking ever-slow-as-fuck L train into Brooklyn, maneuver the bike out the fucking car ('cause fucking idiots couldn't give me the right of way DESPITE MY BIG ASS AND MY BIG MOUNTAIN BIKE BLOCKING THE EXIT) with one hand while juggling the food box, head up a flight of steps (took the elevator for the second, fuck another set of steps) and ride a somewhat-smooth ride home. Ugh, my ass did it ghetto-style and settled on the front steps to bite into my food before hell froze over, my food with it.


Food was good, reminding me why I don't like italians, bread had butter on it so I have to scrap half of it, ugh, and the salad was a no-no so I packaged that for my momma tomorrow (or today) mornin'. Shake was fucking freaky; uber foamy with this weird spicy kick, hope the fucking mexicans working at the diner didn't spit in it. Privileged fucks.

Anywhew, Brandy's coming back out?! *GLEE* Onliest black bitch to run in 5" HEELED BOOTS- FIVE. INCH. HEELED. BOOTS. WTF. So ghetto supreme, very ferosh. Well she's dropping a new album called Human this November 11th, and the first single's called "Right Here (Departed)". Sounds tight, just ready for a winter-y season, despite warm winds here in NY on a monday, but yea, just right, vid's a bit meh though, girl be tripping juxtaposing herself in all freaky types of ways...

link: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=42186203

Oi!

fer EBG, the ghetto-bootleg temple my "jewish" aunt attends;

ew. in spanish??

stomach aches, thinner thighs, and 6-cells...

UPDATE: this is for EBG! the shit I was telling him about ages ago;

Click here for foonay


Opening today's blog with a surprising! (and very NOT surprising) note:
My Hispanic-ass has been arrested. Not the entirety of me, no, 'cause Fernando don't play that, but the majority of my ass-region and parts of moi where my skin is tanned past khaki. Meh. So very stupid of me (WHY FERNANDO!?)

'Tis/'Twas a minor offense and should/shall/was removed from my record.


But yes, currently eating almonds and drinking Tymbark (a polish brand of super-natural fruit juice blends) and fer some reason, either this juice mixture in particular or these damn almonds are making me get up and go to the bathroom ev'ry 4 secs, but that's no so bad, as long as my thighs are thinning out, losing a cm of fat or more every so often.

Which, by the way, being held in booking TOOK FOREVER. Being arrested is overrated here in the States (France was mucho worse) but the annoying part is you're moved from cell to cell depending how far along the paper process you are- which is literally fucking easy to document. After 6 cells (the 3rd being the fucking LONGEST), you see a judge, they order you to come back at a later date for a real hearing, and you're out. 16 hours, but meh, 'twas worth seeing me lose an inch of my thighs, they're firmer and more booty-ful (versus the bootylicious they were before).




Aside from that, life has been a plesant hell-hole. Temporarily re-awoken thoughts of suicide and frustration, some more arguments between me and the parentals, and the realization that Staples is a toxic fucking nightmare with the wrong manager at the pedal. No longer working at Staples, I'm now looking at the hopes that my resume is approved by *gasp* American Apparel! Hopefully they say yes (WISH ME LUCK!) and I'm one of there new IT guys, in a REAL IT environment, not the phony shit Staples claimed to be giving me.

More awesome sex with the Easy Button Guy, and hearing now and then from Fire Island Will, turned 20! *GASP* I'm fucking old! But meh, feeling no different except arrestable (vs the arresting-ing? I was the jailbait? yea, i miss that.)

Slowly going through my harddrive and deleting shit, trying to reorganize my digital life. my H.U.D. (or heads up display) is chunky, but organized, gonna have that cleaned out further soon.

My Easy Button has been super-sensitive as of recently, but still ever so pleasurizing (since it doesn't feel the pleasure, but I, nee Fernando does). Stopped using this de-sensitizing shit I used to use, and have been juggling around lubes (KY finishes so fucking fast), hopefully though, I'll get EBG to put on some Magnum Thins and really pound me out- no need for lubes though, 'cause KY's super long lasting (he thought I just wanted to rough fuck sans lube- No silly! KY was still fresh... as gross as that now sounds, ew). But yessir, gonna have my assizzle pounded *crosses fingers*

Been saving up now! Woot, I've reversed the money bandwagon and have been holding off on spending on ANYTHING, even food, I've been stinggy (stin-gee, as in astringent, or to be restrictive on what's to be done, ie. not paying for shit) all the way like the jew I-is-not.

Got EBG to sit down with me and watch Pam Ann's Come Fly With Me, (I think) He loved it (But I'm not sure, "the stairCAA-aaassse"), hopefully I can get him to watch the Blair Witch Project with me; don't like Horror flicks, bleh, GROW A PAIR! I was tormented for a week after the Blair, you can definitely handle it.

GOT MY BIKEY FIXED UP! OMFG! Front Brake works! Gear Shifts (sorta) work! (the larger, 3rd crank is shot, needa new set), just gotta get my Back Brakes up to speed.

hrm... trying to remember what else. My cock appears longer? I've been able to stroke it vs the fucking semi-card shuffle i _thought_ was "stroking".

That and I invented (in my head) a new coffee blend, called 'the Fernando Express',
recipe:

1 large (preferably) plastic cup
filled with ice
three/four shots of expresso
1 shot of [your choice of flavor, usually vanilla] syrup

add soy to fill it near-brim and sugar water until desired sweetness is met. Mix it like bitch shaking a polaroid, and you're good to go!

More than 4 of these and your vision will fade out, as mine had when I first had these.

Ps. It's basically a latte sans milk, with flavored syrup.

the best post-sex short sleep...

... i've had in ages! MONTHS!... or like 2 months, 7 days. blah blah to be exact.
And it was with my man Rob. Yessir, he's been named, woot! (i wonder if he'll strangle me?) but yessir, my Easy Button guy has awoken and put my ass to sleep with the fell swoop of his mighty cock, his bracing arms, his scathing hairiness, and his (surprisingly) hot-hotness.

Hrmp. What about Will?

Work has been dreadful. Rob's right- being vegan has caused my mood swings to go way, and i mean waaaaaaaaaaaaay up hill. My diet currently only being rice, beans and water doesn't contribute to my total wellness, although I'd like to submit to the jury that I _do_ gain that super boost in energy. Never before have I been able to work through an entire day without breaking down at some point and needing a nap, thus fucking over my sleep pattern. But now? I sleep well (albeit a bit boxy) and I sleep longer periods (albeit as long as I'm not asked to move.) At least I'm clean.


And I need to fix my financial scenario NOW! and FUCKING KILL BALLY'S, asshole made my debit account go under AGAIN, how the fuck does one OWE on a debit account?! Nigga, if they ain't no money in the bank, they ain't no money to be taken. Assholes. Blah, at least Commerce actually offers TOTALLY FREE banking, fucking WaMu, BoA, and Chase all have some shitty workup just to get free banking.


meh, i'm pooped, my co-workers are noticing my blehness, and my hair's gone *tear* WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF?! (Rob, don't answer that.)

apricot sperm.

just finished masturbating- wow, am I really blogging this?
My cock was throbbing, VERY HARD, got solid really fast, is it used to my easy button being pounded at 12:28AM every day? Have I created a new habitual cycle? very unlike me.

Fucking cum went flying, EVERYWHERE. On my toes, on my CLEAN PAIR OF UNDIES, on my wrist, all over my palms. And I found the easiest way to clean up is, what better? than by swallowing my own cum :D Protein intake AND I get to judge how well I've been eating. Well holy cow (or holy soybean?) has there been a change. I've been downing apricot by the sillyzen, and I'm getting up to grab two now, made a major influence in how I taste, very fluidy (VERY FLUIDY), not salty nor bitter, very alkaline.

Welp, gotta run and get my washed apricots! The Boondocks just came on on Adult Swim, can't miss my nigga cartoon!

BTW, anyone know if Dr. Pepper is vegan? Wtf is in that list of 23 flavors? Taurine, EDTA, and boiled pork bones (ala US Gelatin)??