life as it fucking stands...

So I owe you all a MAJOR fucking update.

All things first, the URL has been switched back - yes! I know; let it be, let it be.

Anywhew, let's pick up where we left off:

So past SB, I holler at this cutie from OkCupid - his name is James, and my god, I believe I'm in lust. I want him, I want his body, he's tall, dorky, intelligent, quirky, just shy short of GLORIOUS - how's that? we haven't tested his sex yet... hehe

So Feb. 14 rolls around, I'm busy as a mo-fuck trying to get some semblance to occur at the new 'pad'. Sheets and clothing and my MarcPC (the laptop) and any other goodies necessary (including the Lube!!) Time flies as it ever does and suddenly I'm rushing to get ready, to get to the city, and to meet my prize.

Waiting in Penn Station (was it Penn?) for him to arrive from NJ, I'm anxious, nervous, shaky; I can't wait to see him, I barely sense his presence yet I know he's nearby. He arrives, he's everything.


Well for my memory's sake, let's just hobble along to the good stuff- so my room isn't ready, there's barely a cot inside and the floor is bare cement, we're in Chicca & Frankie's room (or as it was known then) and we're spread out on the floor, before the cot (omg, the cot was still around at this time!) and we're across from each other, Frankie steps out for a bit, me and James chat, and suddenly we're making out, I'm loving it - his kiss, his touch, his warmth, I sense his knowledge, his being, his interests, and I get hard - I'm loving every moment of this...

Frankie walks back in and is all 'whoa-oh' lol, of course me and James aren't rude so we cut back but UNFORTUNATELY, the loose ass boxer briefs I wear have my goodies all up out and folks can easily see. Ugh.

Well skim ahead a bit, James is trying on some of Frankie's clothes for our night out, we head to the city, chat here and there, connect oh so well. In the city, find Cubbyhole (which is now me and Chicca's all time fav bar) and we party there - yay!
We're kissy kissy, photos are taken, fun is had.

Skim ahead, 3 days later, I'm infatuated. I want James and I want James bad - unfortunately, the same cannot be said on his part as I later find out. *tears*

What was supposed to be a night over on Valentine's Day became a 3 day vacay for us and when he left, I felt this uber great warmth fill me whole. I was excited to finally be settled (to some degree). I was finally proud to be complete.

Fast forward, scenes flashing by - I am soooooo fucking monogamous. I am hot, bothered, horny, and crazed. James and I have been speaking via emails and short MSN quirps throughout the weeks. Apparently he's 'fine', apparently he's 'okay', apparently he has the ability to web surf and post incessantly on his fav sites - but he can't even set aside a few minutes, an hour or two for me?? His PC is aged and tired and can't handle the stress of more than one app? Let me fix it!

=========
1 day before our 'month anniversary'
So I'm out with the roomies at Mr. Black, told them the history and how much I loved the party. We headed out with Chicca's co-worker Ariel (and internally, despite my drunken stupor, I sensed this dude was no good) in his car all tipsy and shit over to the city. Get there and rock the night away. To myself I make a silent vow, if James cannot contact me in some form by midnight, I'm single. Ho boy was I single. I left the club with this cute as model to his midtown flat. Sex. Was. Uh. Maze. Zing.

I'm torn inside, I want James, but he doesn't want me.

=========
A month and 2 weeks later, I've had it. I decide to background search this dude - first stop, his myspace, nothing's changed, ok - shortly before on his fav forum, his account was banned, so he asked to use mine, which i was glad to lend - stop 2, his fav forum - but wtf? my account is locked out? no wait, my password was changed... um what?! Try to reset it but apparently the damn email on the account was changed too - WTF?! THIS IS A FERNANDO TATIC! YOU CAN'T OUTDO THE 'MAKER! I exhale and a PC is formed in whole, in perfection right before, how the hell dare you one up me!

Stop 3, his okcupid - apparently he's single now... oh hell fuck no, we're going back to high school with this shit?! Fernando goes into overdrive and begins switching shit up like no tomorrow, Stop 1, fav forum, attack MY old account and get that shit banned - no more for James, you don't dare do that. Stop 2, all my online accounts I've switched to being in a relationship get switched back to single. Stop 3, is he online? Yes? We're gonna talk.

Mind you, this all occurred while I had a hook up coming and eventually in my room. HOW HORRIBLE OF ME! LAWL

This hook up would alter my mindscape for the next few fucking months

So James is online and I message him -

Saturday, March 28, 2009
James (1:41:48 PM): .

mrtrblmkr1 (1:41:48 PM): I am away from my computer right now.
mrtrblmkr1 (1:51:00 PM): hey

James (1:51:00 PM): Shower.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:51:07 PM): what is up with you? seriously.

James (1:52:05 PM): I dunno.
James (1:52:13 PM): have you been itchy?

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:28 PM): not anymore, i got rid of the bedbugs.

James (1:52:39 PM): well, here's a news flash: they're not bed bugs.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:42 PM): so took over my acct at idol forums, single on cupid... what's up?!

James (1:52:46 PM): they're Scabies.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:52:51 PM): scabies from what?

James (1:52:56 PM): you gave me parasites.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:18 PM): what type? an actual std or something else?

James (1:53:35 PM): they're contracted most often from sexual or physical contact with another person, usually through touching with little to no clothing.
James (1:53:48 PM): they can also be transferred from bed linen.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:51 PM): weird as hell
mrtrblmkr1 (1:53:55 PM): then most likely bed linen
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:03 PM): i've been to the hospital and doc recently
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:09 PM): my immune system is just stronger
mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:16 PM): i have a clean bill of health.

James (1:54:33 PM): did the dry patches on your hands and stuff go away?

mrtrblmkr1 (1:54:54 PM): yea, immediately. that was from frequently bleaching

James (1:55:08 PM): that's from the mites burrowing in one's skin.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:56:02 PM): ewwwww - well it's been over a month and last i check myself (the weekend I was hoping for you to come) was that weekend and again thereafter

James (1:56:39 PM): I wasn't too furious, because they're microscopic and you had no idea, and wouldn't have much indication.

mrtrblmkr1 (1:59:02 PM): so what now? are you okay? did they prescribe azithromycin? do you no longer care to be around me? i'm so out of the blue, especially because you continually use the net yet never contact me at any degree.

James (2:00:35 PM): I'd be down with maintaining a friendship.
James (2:01:32 PM): but for me to even think about seeing you and being with you in that way is out of the question, as who knows what else you could have. you didn't know about this, after all, so even if you feel sure you're clean...you would need to go thru the same treatment I am to be 100% certain.
James (2:02:53 PM): it wasn't right of me to ignore you, that's for sure.
James (2:04:03 PM): I was just trying to keep my distance in case it was something worse. after the itching escalated, I knew personally it wouldn't work. but I didn't want to accuse you of being the cause until I had it all explained to me.
James (2:05:17 PM): but I mean...you've gone to sex parties. so that's clearly one possible source.
James (2:06:01 PM): and the other thing about these mites is that they only show up 4-6 weeks after infestation, which is why I only started getting bumps in March.

mrtrblmkr1 (2:06:56 PM): well the thing is, despite my sex partying and flagrant nature, i'm very safe, very very safe, get tested bi monthly, etc
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:13 PM): and i have received medication, but for a different purpose, i don't think i'm clean, i know i am
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:36 PM): azithromycin, which is why i asked, i had to get that and epipens because the bed bugs where out of control
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:44 PM): regardless, i'd like to continue our friendship
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:50 PM): you definitely have a friend here in ny
mrtrblmkr1 (2:07:57 PM): and hopefully, maybe, we can pursue something further

James (2:08:06 PM): cool to know
mrtrblmkr1 (2:08:08 PM): but in the meantime, we still have to watch Golden Boy!! argh

James (2:08:13 PM): indeed
James (2:08:24 PM): you should get a less scummy place hopefully by the summer

mrtrblmkr1 (2:08:51 PM): it's actually changed, ten fold, be surprised, and if anything, we'd grab a hotal space

James (2:08:58 PM): I definitely don't want to stay in such a shithole again. shoulda known better, but ya know, being with you kinda outweighed the slums.

mrtrblmkr1 (2:09:43 PM): hehe, i know, i'm very persuasive, i didn't want to do that to you however, i'm sorry for all the trouble i caused
mrtrblmkr1 (2:09:51 PM): btw, you should look into this surgery
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:04 PM): one used to boost your immune system and correct it
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:17 PM): i had it done as a child which is why i'm less allergic to many things
mrtrblmkr1 (2:10:39 PM): basically, they inject various venoms into you, but in ridiculously small amounts, just like a vaccine, and your body learns and copes

James (2:11:22 PM): k, well, I'm gonna go shower and apply this cream to kill the parasites embedded in my skin and causing me to scratch like a cat in heat.
James (2:11:27 PM): so be back on later/tomorrow.


=====
Ok, me give you parasites?! the fuck? Not moi, I'm way too clean. And the day I invited him over, I gave him multiple warnings as to the state of things.


***Bleh - so James falls through *tears* I really did like him - the sex was kinda awkward though, but that's a story to be told in person only =]

Well, the day I spoke to him last (the convo above), I had already been messing around with various dudes starting with the day after our 'anniversary'. That same very night I was partying up at Mr. Black, I landed eyes with this GORGEOUS skinny model-esque latino boy; later do I find out he IS a model *internal laughter* Well he takes me to his place in the city, 'bout 10 blocks from Mr. Black (the former location near 40th st, it's now at Crash Masion a block from houston) and we have crazy sex - I release this pent up horned raged I had FOREVER - I leave him more than satisfied and he's about to pass out. Embarrassing though, as I search my belongings (strewn about the room) I suddenly can't find my wallet; WTF?! how am I to get home? I sheepishly have to turn to him and regale my story, of course he's uber sympathetic (I only JUST gave his hole the best pounding of the week - if not the month) and gives me some cash to head home.

Fast-forward a week or so and this random dude hits up my cell - huh? What?! You have my wallet!!?? Thank god! I was going nuts! It was this cute as ever Asian dude who had managed to grab my wallet off the floor at Mr. Black and hold on to as I fled the night with my model cutie. We arranged to meet and get back my wallet. Guy is cute, we facebook connect, blah blah the usual. I wonder what he's up to now... He's a doctor too =D

Well now it's the day of said convo above, and I was already done with James. Day of convo, I invite the worst guest to walk into my life for nearly 6 months. Robert Gonzalez - ugh, the headache the name brings up alone. Six months wasted; totally trashed, but I learned my lesson and hopefully I'm not repeating that scenario again.

We met on A4A, been talking for awhile. He's not cute at all, not really my type save for the droopy, dorky eyes; he's pasty, really thin, frail-looking, has a sickly appearance and can barely dress. When he talks though it's cute, very childish and reminds me of myself - me and my baby talk. Well my plan goes right into effect - I had no care to really socialize and get to know the boy, just play my ploy and get what I want, ass and hustle him out. I got it all right, I got it nice and raw, my cock pumped in and out his holes the few times over the course of the next 6 months to keep me in check thankfully.

All the while I was with the kid, I learned way too much about guys I could care less about and garnered way too much drama than I could carry or care to carry for that matter. I learned about his circle of hook ups, his history amongst various other guys, his friends (or lack thereof) and the SADNESS his family is. The best memory I have of his mother and step-father is the first weekend I got to spend over at his mother's home (where he was staying here in NY). Of course, I was staying over under the guise that I was never there - unfortunately I had SOOO much gaming shit with me (that was the only thing that kept us together more or less, he was into games and I didn't mind playing them) that our secret really didn't last for more than 2 seconds and his mother went to carajo-land and back with an unnecessary and disrespectful grossly-ghetto attitude attack. The most prominent detail of the situation that shines in my head 'til today is how his mother could blow up about her and her son's ridiculous and disgusting pass before me when I had no correlation to it or barely to them. She literally stood her fat ass before me and Robert and yelled at him about stupid shit I could care less about for a good hour. So you hosted Robert's ex when you lived down in Florida for nearly a year or however long you had him over and he never paid rent and had the audacity to fuck OTHER guys you and Rob were totally unaware of and didn't know in your all up in your home (and literally ALL up in yo' house) - if I caught wind of such the first time, his ass would've been out there and then WITH a beat down. Clearly, if you could let such go on for sooooo long (and shit like Robert wouldn't give up ass to his ex Angel, whose real name is Miguel, yea, I know, *puke*, so Angel would hook up with dudes from A4A not only in Rob's room, but in the living room, bathroom, ROB'S MOMMA'S ROOM, just EVERYWHERE! Best times were especially when Rob would be in his room playing his vid games and Miguel would invite his "friend" over [and in this particular story, it was also Rob's "friend"] and Miguel was fucking the dude right in the next room - wow, nice.)

I can't believe I just associated myself with stupidity. That paragraph above couldn't be any more stupid. Well 6 months of me pumping and dumping loads in Rob and various other guys - why various other guys? After a month of full monogamy, sometime in May, his laptop just dies on its own, the boot sector is corrupted, not unusual. Well I fix him one of my laptops to use in the meantime whilst I fix his. I, of course had been going concerned and wanting to know what he's been up to on his laptop since the past week he'd been on it all day and would barely interact with me. On the temp-laptop I fixed for him, I installed tracking software and little bugs behind to log his action - the shit I discovered a few weeks into the month blew my mind. Apparently he was chatting up guys left and right with some detailing gross shit, how he would love these guys to be his 'papi', to fill his hole, etc. For all I know at this point, the times I've been out of the house or he was back at home, he'd probably been hooking up with these guys - we'll see who laughs last.

Fast forward six ridiculous months, I've slept with nearly a dozen guys whilst I was with Rob, some raw - while I was fucking Rob raw, and had gotten into fist fights with Rob twice and finally kicked him out. I drove my point into him and his mother so hard Robert basically skipped the state and flew back to his dad's home down in Florida. Don't fuck with me.

BTW - I easily won both fist fights, left Robert a bruised face and scar.

Now I have to catch up on life and normalcy - I had recently moved out for the umpteenth time and I have responsibilities. I'm behind nearly 8 months rent and bills aren't getting paid - why? I decided to dive in whole into the Robert-effect and skipped work, bills, life in whole.

Jobs are spewing in now, shit I've been missing when I was with Robert, and guys are spewing back in again. I play catch-up with my bills, but the rent remains unpaid, I have to figure out what to do about that and pronto - enter one of my fav clients Tammy. She throws me with a proposition I can't refuse; fly out to Georgia for a month and work on this project she has and mind and she'll pay me a good amount. Of course I bite and that leads to the next chapter.

ADRIAN, TWINKS, and the COUNTRY===============================

I'm thinking of titling and chapter-ing my blog. Let this be the first.
Well it's now towards the end of August, I get tested just in case I might've caught something in the Robert affair - I'm HIV negative, no surprise. And guess what?! I turned 21!!!! What better than to have my hair EMERALD GREEN and to head about upon the town in drag? I was loved the night of my birthday, loved so much and I welcomed full adulthood with open arms. Unfortunately I grabbed a little too much.

The plan for the Georgia trip had to be pushed back due to some unforeseen circumstances, that's fine - so what better than to occupy my time with some more guys?!?!!?!? Anyone see a pattern? Yea, I'm a horny fuck. That's where Adrian rears its ugly head.

Enter stage right - ugly faggot.
AGAIN, I meet this dude off A4A, re-peating-fucking-pattern folks? Yes. Yes indeed.

He's cute at least, I'll give him that - at least in his photos! This dude's face is very dimpled and holed, worn with the use of drugs and something other I can't put my hand on. He lives only a stop away from my old place in City Line, not bad, I could even walk to this guy! So I do, meet up with him, fuck his hole nice and good, dump a load in it, keep fucking, on and off, switch up positions, etc. We have fun, it's all good. He asks if I would like to stay over - well of course! So I saddle up under the sheets nekkid waiting for him to join me. In the meantime we're high off our fucking asses - I'm a pothead now, WHOLE-NOTHA-STORY, literally, it's a sub-story with chapters of its own to the Robert saga (much too much to divulge at this hour, my brain is racking with trying to catchup to now as it is). No matter how high I may be however, I recognize pill bottles and various brands from a mile away - Merck manual age 8, PDR black book age 10 anyone? Hello? I wanted to be a doctor remember? Well it's a bottle of Atripla - google it folks, you'll know why within this second I want to commit suicide. I ask him what the pills are for and he said they're sleep meds to help him sleep easier. Oh! whoops, this is the second day of being with him lol, not the first. Anywhew, so said pills are apparently to help him sleep, ok... Another friend of mine who I caught the pills with as well said they were for his back pain... I pass that info on to Adrian and he says, "well yea, they could be for that too." Of course I bluntly tell Adrian to be truthful, that I'm aware what the pills are for and there's no need to lie to me, I even google search the shit on my phone for him and point him to good ol' wikipedia. He attempts to shrugs and asks, "then why would my doctor prescribe them?" Now this is the point where I would go Ape-Shit Nuts but I can't because I just blazed with cheap hispanic weed - more on this in the upcoming chapters - so instead I just tell him to spit it out, just confess and instead he leans up on me and starts to "weep" into my shoulder, he's HIV positive and that was his med. Nice, real nice Fernando - and I just fucked and have been fucked by this dude HOW MANY TIMES now? Within a two day time-frame?? Fuck it, I don't care, let's see how this plays out. Fly through a week of ridiculous-ness (and this is when I learn how I not only am disgusted and dislike blacks, I'm disgusted and dislike hispanics as well - especially the ghetto-thug-like whatever ones) and constant high-ness, it's morning of Sept. 6. Time for my flight to Georgia in just a few hours, and I'm out partying with Adrian, high and drunk off my ass, arguing with his stupid ass on 23rd and 9th. Why? Because his fucking ass is maniacal - STAY AWAY FROM THIS GUY! ADRIAN SANCHEZ! HE'S FUCKING 'TARDED! We're leaving his 'auntie's' place and I forget what exactly started the argument but next thing I know he's all up in my face and pushing me and I do what I know to do best - throw some fist in da air! Joline would be proud of me =] My momma would be proud of me! Unfortunately, and this is why I hate hispanic weed, I can't react as well and I'm losing - there's even a point where this infected faggot Tyson's my fucking ear! All I remember is me now down on the ground plotting my next move but deceptively looking like I'm cowering to Adrian. Down at my face next minute and I pull him in to fuck him up and flee - I get in some heavy face punches this time as now I'm in control and I can assess what to do - get them face pounds in and then I run my ass to the nearest cab and head home, I'm not dealing with him. 20 billion texts later and he misses me horribly, same as Robert - of course they miss me! I'm the fucking shit baby!

Crusted ear and caffeine-d up 4 hours later, I'm at the airport reading for my flight to Georgia - again, this little adventure out there is a whole other story itself but nothing vital of life-turning.

Enter the Twinks!

I'm gonna have to sign off here tonight - this section to come later =]




***NOTE: I had been 4-5 months since I last even THOUGHT at this post, some info might be off as it's been awhile since I thought of what occurred.

the times just keep a rollin'

Well life has REALLY jumped far since my last post (and what can you expect? 2 months since! Fernando lives extravagantly fast) - Richie and I have fallen through (though we remain in contact), I've acquired a biffy of sorts on Valentine's Day (SAME DAY I MOVE OUT FOR THE THIRD TIME!! YAY!!!) only to question the status of our relationship now and am going to contact him about it later today. Plus I've rejoined the A4A scene again (after my hiatus with Richie and James [biffy from V-Day!]), made two new friends from Florida (one who I'm totally dropping from my friend's list) and have become ever more emotional yet mature since. Aaaand I have a new love for nigger cakes. *glee* My how time flies! And there's much more, but the brain is on the fritz, read along and yee shall see.

Well since my last encounter with Southern Belle, my new name for him =], I quickly learned my limits in regards to some of my fetishes (hrm, which begs me to ask - does his new interest like the same?) and better learned what are the differences between love and infatuation. Am healthy once again and have since tested various times in multiple places to make absolutely sure. Unfortunately, I live in America and folks can't be honest with themselves and their bodies, I need to move back to France where people are actually people and not this faux facade every dumbshit's been putting up in Bushwick recently - I'm talking about this: http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i40/uncleheavy23/facade-detail.jpg?t=1238061421

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i40/uncleheavy23/house-finished.jpg

what is this shit?! This isn't fucking faux-Miami, get that gross shit outta here! Which, btw, as clean, bright, and soft as it may look, the overall effect lacks so much and is an absolute eye-sore. Unfortunately, it may surpass the grossness of the house at the right but the blue at the far left is much more acceptable. Or rather slate, let's do beautiful black marble, dark slates, shit like that. NOT STYROFOAM, I WILL MELT YO SHIT, WATCH OUT! AND!!! WORSE! It took 9 days to put that shit up, ew.

Now moving along. Well SB didn't work out, ESPECIALLY during our 'date', he took me to see Revolutionary Road, which I read reviews for and was fine with - but if caught me off guard soooooooo bad; I was tired and the movie was waaaay too talky to catch my attention, I'm all for clean cut narrative and dialogue but not when I'm tired and not when I wants to bond with a guy with something cheesy (I'M A LEO! I MENTIONED THAT A BAJILLION TIMES! THINK OF HANGING WITH A KID!!! ) like Step Brothers! Holy christ had we gone to see that, I woulda loved the guy all the more.

But you know what made it absolutely worse? Not the fact that I was basically snoring on his ass (foreshadowing the outcome of this event) but the fact that he turns to me and tells me, "what do you think of my prostituting?" Um... what? Excuse me, could you repeat that - what a minute, please stop texting and put your cellphone away, what was it you were saying? EWWW! Disgusting, totally disgusting! Of course I have a problem! "I'm just telling one of my customers he has to get himself checked... This guy is so understanding, he's my baby, he pays for me." Wow, here's the popcorn, and the soda, you just hold onto that while I catch the L back home, kthnxbye.

So in hopes that he's totally kidding, I smile and decide after the movie to take him to a cute thai place I like for lunch (y'all know the place, Room Service, uh huh) only to have SonofaBitch - *ahem* SB give me THE snarkiest attitude ever.n I'm telling him one of my interests (fine dining, restaurant hopping, cuisine) and he's giving me face! Now let me take a moment here and dig deep into my Gaytionary *digs, feels it, yes yesss...* BITCH GIVING ME SHADE! LOL, I would never use the term shade in daily conversation but this is most totally appropriate. The bitch was making faces and shit - AND AGAIN WITH THE GODDAMN CELLPHONE - mind you it's lunch during off-peak so it's fine, place is empty, I'm cool. But again with his customer shit - although now I believe it was another A4A dude which whatever, I moved along same night, psh. What made things worse, there was this poor black chick behind me who ordered herself a 5-dish meal and normally I would be nasty and comment albeit quietly (or actually not at all, I love my black girls) but this cunt was throwing the ultimate shade and was fucking loud about it to! Look dick, take your baggage outside, we're in a place quiet a step up from your fucking trailer park diner, check yourself, fall back bitch, FALL BACK! COME CORRECT! LAWLROFLCOPTER

Moving along - train ride with him sucked; Fernando clocked out and was dead for the main portion of the ride with him, couldn't even hold his hand or stand next to his dirty ass (no wonder I couldn't get hard for him, and I'm a hornster) and thankfully I only had to ride with him up to Lorimer, I would've just got off early if I had to ride any longer. Stopped communicating with SB immediately (especially since I talked to him on my sub-sub-account, thank heavens for that!)

Past SB, I decide to take a 3-day break before jumping on the A4A express - guys, clubs, drinks and such later, I'm relaxing it at home on OkCupid when I come across the onliest cutie EVER! soooo cute! So immediately I give him a 5-star rating to of course let cupid notify him of my interest and for him to respond accordingly (of course he does =]). We shoot each other messages in hopes of meeting up soon and seeing how all goes, chat on aim here and there, match up our interests, seems we're a match! Feb. 13 rolls around and I invite him out to my way, that I have a new place and he can stay the night =D *WINK-KA-WINK* I think to myself, "please let 'Cupid not be the new A4A and have this work! I would like for this to click so much."

- much to type later, am pooped, needa rest.

chla-chla-chla, CHLAMYDIA!

SO I tested positive for anal chlamydia (fuckitty fuck fuck) and thought it had been a hemorrhage of sorts, to which folks who saw my hole and 'examined' had said it couldn't really be nor could it be and STD, just razor bumps. At least I'm negative for gonorrhea so far (anal results have yet to come back) and so I had to warn all my partners (or at least those I keep in contact with) of my STD, augh. Have yet to warn EBG, though we didn't do anything sexual in the time frame I fucked around with southern belle.


Ah yes, Southern Belle. I forget if I explained the backstory on him, but in short, his boyfriend was playing around, they fucked raw, he left him, came to NY, A4A, we fucked raw, my ass and no lube. Yea, I definitely learned my lesson. Or have I?

welcoming the new year...

... with a possible STD. So I began messing around with this dude from a4a, cute boy from N. Carolina - escape to the big city type of kid (though not really a kid since he's older than me by a few months; we're both 20).

Well we fucked twice, raw, only to have him contact me less than three days later to tell me he believes he caught either Gonorrhea or Chlamydia from me - uh, NO. As dangerous as I play, I have yet to catch any sorta diseases and my ass is clean, literally. Well I had suddenly come down with a superb case of excess mucous and a super sore throat - aside from the fact he throat-fucked me and I thought my throat might just be hurt from that. Well that in addition to my asshole being in pain as if it were torn (which is also a case as he fucked me for nearly an hour sans any lube), him txting me that he may have caught something from me suddenly infuriated me - how the fuck does he come off saying that, I told him of my lack of sex at the time (true) and that even then I play safe. I countered his argument with the fact that he's been messing around as well and he tells me he's only played raw with me, um, and your boyfriend? Mentioning that he then admits that yes his boyfriend was cheating and that he may have brought it to our game (no shit?) and that he's sorry.

So I immediately bring up going for testing next day and that I want him with me, he agrees, we go to Chelsea STD Health Center and wait for nearly 3 hours before finally being seen (I had to play coy white boy and ask to be moved up frequently as I had a plane to catch and I only wanted samples and not blood to be drawn). Once I finally see the doc, she tells me (after attacking my throat and asshole with a Q-tip from Fort Troff) it seems I just have a cold (which I kinda thought) but I brought up the fact that my asshole's also suffering so she said to make sure to come back immediately when my results arrive to be treated (with my fav azithromycin!)

From now on I'm skipping CHC for testing as that place sucks major take-forever dick and using the place the guy told me of on 8th n 16th which sees you in less than an hour and change sans the triage registration process.


Ugh. Left 2008 with an STD (HOPEFULLY NOT!)

=====================================================
WELCOME 2009!!!!!!!
So fuck the fact that I'm sick out the ass (literally) - oh! and btw! I don't have the 'drip' the dude has (EWWW!) nor am I peeling skin anywhere or procuring massive amounts of dick cheese like he is. Hrm. Oh wells.

So back to fucking the fact - Storm calls me outta the blue (I recently contacted him to catch up on old times and to possibly get at hooking up with him and have him fuck me silly, since Geo fell through) and asks about hooking up and partying for New Years as his plans with the guy he's seeing (I kinda refuse to call his partner his boyfriend as they aren't steady like that from what he's told me) kinda fell through and that his roommate was offering to take him out to Pacha at the VIP $125 price though it woulda been a clothes-on party with chicks, eww, especially not fun after the fact I brought up the party I'm heading to to be clothing optional - BA-CHING! He loved the idea and that it was only $20 and near PATH and that he would know someone he's cool with to go with (me).

Well after setting up house for the folks here at home for their 'party', I had to fly out the house to run to the city to get to Masked Ball before 12. Got there at 11:59!!!! Though I didn't get to see the 'ball drop', did get to kiss the new year with Storm and enjoy the party - enjoy 'til damn near 6. Me and Storm attacked the scene immediately; we shuffled up to the dancers, touched ass and cock (OMFG, WHITE BOYS ARE SOFT LIKE COTTON CANDY AND JUST AS TASTY!!!), shuffled to the main floor, squeezed on everyone like crazy, and shuffled to the back, the dark room, and fucked heads like crazy - both got our dick sucked by nearly 10 guys. He reminded me, "don't suck any dick" and I didn't, except this one guy who looked entirely clean AND had an AMAZ-O prince albert ever! He was the second guy I saw with one but the first who had a really thick gauge. Didn't really suck him off however as I was refraining from spreading anything if I have anything.

When I attempted my initial escape to go see what was up on the dance floor, I saw this SUPER cute, somewhat scared and confused guy swamped in the middle of the dark room. I tried to get at him at first but there was no where for me to get through as five different guys were trying to suck me off and finger my hole, ugh, he got away.

The night went on with dancing, head-fucking, my pants and tights totally off and me walking amongst everyone sans anything on my bottom half - cock all out, ass all out, and everyone having a glimpse or feel. After a while of being alone, I dived back in to check on Storm only to see his thick cock being serviced over by someone he didn't care for and was up and about to leave when his eye caught sight of this super beauty, his type of guy, thug looking, a tape-up hair cut, clean cut beard - that thin-line style many white puerto rican well-dressed thugs sport, yet still white. Well he knocked the guy who he was sucking off and pushed his dick in this guy's face, me watching in awe at the brilliance of the scene. White PR bottom took sight of Storm's meat and immediately took grasp and sucked away - I motioned to Storm to properly introduce him to his cock and motioned for him to have the guy gag on his cock and face fuck him (more so for my bemusement) and that's exactly what he did - face-fucked him, forced deep throat, fingers down his throat, tears were shed, and balls were licked. The guy immediately fell in love with Storm - who wouldn't? I did as well, and that was the beginning of a pain that continued for a major part of the night. The guy kept shoving other cock suckers off Storm's dick, kept having at Storm even when Storm was done with him, tried to eat Storm's ass (something he's not into unless he gives express permission) and went so far so as to even fight with Storm for not giving himself up to him. Umm... the fuck dude, you're just a chicken-head, back off and calm down! Well Storm gave in to feeding his cock some more to this guy and then forced him off to relax a bit with me - only to then follow us out (to which I had to play bodyguard and separate him from Storm with me in between) and onto the dance floor. Storm sighed and I let the dude get at Storm while I fetched towels for Storm to wipe his head with. Storm set the guy straight and told him what's up. I see pr white dude saunter off and throw puppy-dog eyes back as he walked away, tail between his legs, awww... Well me and Storm idolize the dancers again, dance a bit, then headed back into the dark end. It was going in the second time that I noticed cutie patootie again. Again he seemed disturbed but not lost or confused rather stuck. I was determined to not let him get away this time and so I told Storm I'll be away for a moment and he tells me he'll stay there. Cool - I go over to cutie and asks if he's trying to head out, Yes he is. Cool. I help him out and in doing so he thanks me and quickly consumes my image before making the determination that I'm an okay dude (YAY!!!) and begins talking to me.

Hey, how are you, okay? Yea, I'm fine. What were you doing back there? Trying to get at my friend. Sure you were doing that and not trying to get a little action? Do I look like the type? My clothes are still on! Oh, okay *smile from me* Well what's your name? Aaron, yours? Fernando. Nice, you're cute Fernando. Thanks! You really, really cute yourself! Thanks.

Conversation of this sort continues on for a while, we walk over to the bar so he can grab a bottle of water - he's tipsy and I ask if he's had a few to drink, yes, which he asked if it were obvious or not. Of course I said but wanted to make sure it was only that. Only that. We chatted a bit about this and that and our ages came up. I asked how old he was and told me to guess - "no more than 24", he giggled and said, "Yea, I'm 24 *which a bit of satire*" which totally bounced off me and only made me like him a lot. He asked me and I told him to guess, "24", "nope, try lower", "oh really?", "yea, try 20", "oh! *giggle*". At the bar, I asked what he did for a living, "occupational therapy", this raised 2 questions - was it like psychiatry? And what 24 year old gets into occupational therapy? No it isn't like psychiatry, it's a physical therapy, as in sports injuries and the like. That and how old are you again? 37, OOOH! Did I mention I might love you more now?

So Aaron's 37, an occupational therapist, AN AEROBICS AND PILATES INSTRUCTOR!! White!! Lives in Jersey City!! and has a DEE-LEESH BOD! Unfortunately, he's a bottom and I'm basically a bottom (poo, FUCK YOU GOD!) but I wouldn't mind being top for him. It sort've feels like the chance at a correction I could make had it been mean and Ciro. Oh well, moving along:

Well Storm's in the dark room and I'm out on the floor with Aaron when I noticed folks I recognize, first off Ben Andrews in which I plop myself by and realize I make myself look like an ass in front of and friends- John from my part of town (a friend off of a4a) stopped by and I drop by and say hi to him, something I later feel was a mistake. Before I recognized folks, Aaron pointed out this really muscular older dude on the floor dancing, really nice bod and somewhat young face. We walk over to him and dance with him, me in the middle. Well booty shaking and hip grinding leads to lip-locking - not by me but by muscle dude and Aaron. Of course I'm jealous and so I turn a blind eye. I then switch places with Aaron and me and muscle dude sandwich Aaron in and I share a kiss over Aaron's shoulder - sort of my own personal revenge.

To the point - this occurs with John as well, Aaron sandwiched in the middle. Only my bringing up John's occupation and having them close together makes is soooo much more worse. John easily massages Aaron into his arms, chats and dances his way further in (in which my attempt makes an ass of me that I hope no one noticed), and locks lips with him into bliss. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. *cue scene of cupid's nasty twin happening upon a dark room, lonely spotlight on a dismayed Fernando, heart slowly shrinking above his head, cu-bitch furthering the damage with his hammer, shattered glass*

John even managed to get his hands down Aaron's pants.

I'm upset, ugh - well this continues for the remainder of the evening until Aaron collects his ditsy friend and heads home, numbers (John and mine) are handed over to Aaron, I bet Aaron has already contacted John. Storm stumbles out alive from the dark room with a NEW buddy, Brice (or Bryce?) and then promptly returns for another round. This time I head in with John and his friend to see Big B (as I now will call Brice/Bryce) eating out Storm's ass. Um, WOW! lol - actually, me and John weren't sure so it might or might have not been Big B, lawls!

The night ends after the place begins to die down a bit, with me, John, Storm, Big B, and John's friend Tom heading for the subway. At the subway, Storm tells me he'll catch the PATH from 23rd and 6th instead and walks away with Big B, I of course am SUPER NOSEY and have since poked into what may have happened after those two left my eyesight, I hope Storm's okay however. Me and John took the L after dropping Tom off on the A line. Train ride home we chat a bit and I finally get home at 7. Ugh. Welcome 2009.

tock-trock-tock!

So just got home from Trockadero - still in great shape and ever so glorious! Went with EBG and had a great time - though I was taken aback by his lack of knowledge regarding ballet performances, particularly the pas de deux- its technicalities, and the something else but my mind is slowing dying at the moment, unsure why. However I will give him credit for actually knowing the NAMES of the moves and poses as I've long forgotten what anything is called beyond a pirouette.

Well the night sorta went sour when he invited me over to his place. These past few days I've been feeling uneasy and totally out of myself - I haven't masturbated in well over 5 days and even my wanting to watch pornography has declined sharply. Well I went over to use his bathroom with which he had yet to replace the toilet roll so I thought I should do it as gratitude. Well when putting the extra roll away, I took note of his box of condoms and confirmed my suspicions - he is sexually active (duh). Earlier this past week I had been speaking to a recent hookup of mine and again he brought up his other hookups (UGH, EWWW?! I really don't care to know that!) and how he can't stand the thought of guys he hooked up with hooking up with others besides him. I explained to him how that correlates to male masculinity and dominance, machismo if you will, and that I too feel the same. Well seeing EBG's stack replenished got me all unnerved and grossed out. So I had to leave pronto.


Speaking of these past few days. I promptly replaced my group of hookups with a new generation, to no avail, and have been cutting them off as well - waste of time.

Also have been seriously dating - by a twist of luck/faith/chance - the cutest guy I've yet to meet named Richie. I recommended Nichelle to CBD.com (crazyblinddates.com) and thought to retry once again the day of my recommending it to her - well it totally worked and got me a date for the SAME evening I chose. Details shall be posted later but we've been seeing each other for a while now, went on three dates together, and it's been great. This has also been contributing to my recent lack of anything sexual - which is another story.

I believe it is also over between me and EBG.

erotic... cah.

wooo, lol, this weekend was weird and fast - whirled right by. That and I'm totally impervious to this cold weather, as I type my fingers and toes have lost [heat] circulation but I'm not in pain.

Well I've been re-weeding my life, again. again. Ugh, very agitating, but necessary. a4a profile is not being put down, I talk to too many guys there where nothing goes forward, I'm not into childish games, I want to fuck AND NOW. Fuck the chit chat and let's get to some raw d/d-free fucking. Out with the condoms!

Needless to say - and quite contradictory - after Ciro it's been all types of safe sex, blah. Well, almost, poo.

So I've cut out Chris, an uber indie guy I was messing around with. Ended on a mutual note and I believe he's found someone now who he likes so that's a plus. Trying to end shit with Ciro but he has my number, blah, ultimately might have to move my number to a new carrier so I can properly block folks. Thankfully Motorola's can soft-block but that's not enough for me. My adventure with Gio, aka Tuff-n-kute/cute was short lived, would've liked more out of it, and maybe I can attract him again for kinky shit, but I'll let that die on its own. I'm still messing with Lance and Vlad - gonna see those two tonight, that should be fun.

In other bodily news, I developed yet ANOTHER ass pimple, ugh. I need to stop riding my bike without undies, fucking sweat collects in all types of not fun. But, my workout regime has been paying off and now my arms and abs are now more readily visible, which calls to mind, I need to workout now.

fuck medicine... part deux

Ciro began talking to me again. I wonder how this will turn out.



-----------------------
He works my cock over, does an amazing job, his barely thick lips encase the head of my cock, slowly - magically, encircling my phallus, encasing me in his throat, my summation, my summary, what I am is now banging into his tonsils - rhythmically, I'm throat fucking him.

My legs are tossed up at me, and now he's licking down my shaft to my asshole - imagine the pleasure I'm feeling to know he - a white, Tool-loving, ROCK-HARD italian body is going down to one of my most sensitive zon- FUCK, his tongue reached my asshole and now it's finding- nay, pushing its way into my hole, licking its way into me, into my orifice. My eyes go lazy, my legs fall limp, my cock stiffens, yet all I can think of is wild horses, ocean waves, cars honking, all I can think of to calm me otherwise I'm putting him into a leglock, a bearhug, anything to keep him mine without letting him go.

I feel exposed, slightly raw yet wet- moist, he looks up from time to time to check on me - He looks like the fucking Devil, Devil Incarnate, reborn to fuck me over - literally and figuratively, something out of a Tenacious D song sans the comedy.

He's done, he gets up and gazes at me - I swear with what could have been the longest 10 seconds of my life - at which point the candle lit to the left above me FLARES with dramatic intensity, everything is a scary pagan red; fierce, tormenting colors that shock me and remind me of my youth, of my stupidity.

However this is just 10 seconds, he leans down and shares with me my taste, what my asshole taste like - sweet, warm, silicone from my douching earlier, the candle doesn't quit with its blare, and I think to myself this candle is getting excited at the wrong moment, it's all too soon. Asshole of a candle.

He leans back up and gives me this curt grin, so fucking devilish, so wrong. Yet so right. His lip curls, his face is gaunt, his eyes are a deep blue, a pair you can easily get lost in and never come back - I waded into them and was pulled by the rift, only now recovering weeks later. He reaches over to his side of the bed to grab a condom, I reach for my lube - Eros Premium Silicone, once my enemy now my friend. Unfortunately, as little a time it took to grab the necessities, it took just as much time for him to become flaccid. He's hot, steaming, and ridiculously sweaty - something that drives me wild and makes me love him even further - as I lick the sweat off his face, his chest, his arms, his pits, his head, he's at first embarrassed, but eases up and smiles, jerking, trying to regain composure and not kill the mood. I love his slightly salty taste - if salty at all, he's perfect, he taste perfect, he's unbelievably clean, clean like me, my first days with EBG.

Fuck this, you're D/D free? I'm D/D free. I rip his condom off, and lord knows what I did, I did something that made him regain his force, he's now hard again, and I take this opportunity to soften my hole and jumps on his dick, his cock. YES, fuck is it ever so GLORIOUS! HE FEELS AMAZING - HE'S IN ME! HIS FUCKING DICK IS IN ME! AND WHAT IS THIS? HE'S FUCKING ME! Up. Down. Up. Down, he's fucking my hole and I don't know what to do - I'm in auto-pilot and he's co-piloting with the computer. We're working in unison and his dick stiffens so hard I feel it might rip me if he moves the wrong way, as if this is the only chance for us to insert this volatile rod of nitro into a pool of sulfuric acid without jutting into the walls, the only time we can violate all laws of nature and science, except this moment is on repeat and the walls of acid are the walls of my ass and this rod of doom is his 7 inches pounding me - no, he lied, it's 8, if not 9 - he's reached what I call the 3rd ring, the last muscular sphincter I control before you're reaching up into my intestine, into my colon and various other organ-ical shit. My pushing out and his pounding me are driving me wild, so much so I came on him, hot steamy cum flying from the tip of my cock without the need for me to touch it, the first of multiple orgasms in a fun evening/morning.


We shuffle and change position, I'm on my back, and he's hovering above me, plowing into my hole, raw, condom-free, filling me, the void that existed in my life up until this moment. I fill I never need to eat again as long as he's in me, he's the protein I need and the cover to my heart murmur.

Our fucking this way last about 10... 20... now 30 minutes as I keep looking at the time, I've cummed again and am re-hard, he's still hard, sweating on me, loving my hole - I sense something but disregard it. My hole's feeling raw, feeling good, clean, filled to capacity, hot, ready to rip open yet strong and durable.

We fuck in various positions for various lengths of time - off the edge of his bed, missionary, my ass raised for him to dip into me, on my stomach, and on all fours.

We back to missionary, my head propped up on his pillow, I'm working my cock over, my legs are spread wide, my hole's tense, I'm about to blow again, we're locked in a stare, his devilish grin reappears, I can barely keep composure but I keep my look on him, I feel I can't fail him this look, I feel his cock jutterly differently this time, like it's preparing - and like a good, hungry bottom, I whisper those sweet three words: cum. in. me. His grin broadens, he knows what to do, and with the next few thrusts, I feel his cum inside me. I feel the hotness of his fluids, almost a little too hot, it's an odd sting at first but I love it, it's new exciting, stupid and dangerous but It's what I wanted. He sighs and moans heavily, his lip curt, curled, and his face in a shift of pleasure pain, he's breathing heavily, his body is wet, soaked from sweat, he looses back strength and collapses on me, his body wetting mine, drenching me, I feel like I just stepped out into a summer shower, something I haven't done for years, it's reminiscent of my youth. Stupid years. I want to cry, I grab him and make him mine, I want to stay with him, I want to be him, I want to be a white italian with dark brown hair and a thick meaty cock, virtually smooth, clean skin, and scentless, saltless sweat. He's humor returns and he mock snores, I giggle. We stay in each others' embrace for what may well be forever.


Except it isn't. He rolls off of me and reaches over for a light. I'm infatuated but like a good bottom I clean up, lay on my stomach, and service him, lapping up his sweat, grabbing a towel and doing the necessities, then laying their looking good for him. He throws me a grin which warms my heart. Then goes back to smoking and checking his cell. I'm inebriated. This happen, this happened to me. Finally the world is handing me what I want and deserve.




Time passes by, days and this continues. Unfortunately his has to battle this bacterial infection in his stomach so he's on azithromycin and percocet. Both which cause the next few sessions to become a bit laborious yet equally satisfy and gratifying. My spidey senses are still tingling each time but I ignore them.

Why the fuck did I ignore them?

He wants me to top him. This news comes up days after a rift silently and quickly comes into existence between us. Why the fuck wasn't I born with a bigger dick?! Fucking huge nose, feet and hands, and with all the black in my puerto rican ass, I wasn't handed down the fucking dick that matches? This is my curse? Fuck you God.

The rift was created by tension with his roommate Shaun and my talking to him. Apparently his roommate's a nobody scum from Ciro's POV, but from talking with him recently, he's the most sane normal dude you can expect from the alternative scene, folks who are usually more calm and respectable than mainstream fuck up society.

This revelation has opened the murmur, if not forced a blunt 13" radius pole into my hole and tore it the fuck open. The virgo in me dies, the calm in me dies. I drop patience behind the bed. My good luck is gone and shit is slowly going wrong. This happens before Nichelle while I'm working on her laptop in the 24 hr Starbucks at Union. She doesn't notice because I'm an actor, yet I'm ready to get up and bash someone's skull in right this minute. FUCK YOU. WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT FAGGOT? TALK A HIKE NIGGER. What the hell is wrong with me? Who pressed the suicide button? Wasn't that shit ripped off the panel? Where did the unicorns and rainbows go? Who am I? I wake up the next morning to shave off the sides of my head, I didn't like my hair and I want a mohawk- DON'T FUCK WITH ME. I extreme douche. My asshole bleeds, fuck it, who cares? I'm raw clean and need to moisturize, cracked skin's a good sign, I've begun biting my nails again.

I haven't spoken to Ciro in a while. I thought it would be good if he came to me, seeing as he had a life before me, I'm just a hookup, the holidays are coming up and he has family and friends to attend to before me. I'm not his boyfriend and I don't need to push myself into his life.

I've been seeing other guys in the meantime and this new guy I've been seeing is Ciro's hispanic replica. Except slimmer, with a HOT southern accent, not on fucking whack medication (though he also smokes weed and cigs, no biggie) and has a luscious cock as well. I care for him so his identity will not be revealed, just know I'm happy with him and will not fuck up this one.

Well I took Ciro's hispanic replica's laptop to fix it while he was gone for the holidays (my way of having a piece of him while he's away), but unfortunately the adapter to it is dead and so I need my universal model which Ciro currently has. So I ask Ciro if I can drop by and borrow it. Mind you I haven't talked to him in a while but even when I was, his text, albeit sarcastic, were cut dry straight forward. He tells me to swing by 7:30 AM next day and I listen. 7:30 AM swings by and I'm at his front door, calling him to pick up the plug. He answers and is like "huh? I was just joking! I didn't mean literally, give me time to dress up and shower and shit and I'll bring it to you." Ok, so I use this time to go to the bank, purchase Stamina pills ('cause I was on the notion we would be hooking up later tonight and I had the intent of staying hard and fucking him 'till he cums with my hard cock up his ass) and I head back home to finish some Britney Spears Circus CD track downloading (I had all her tracks plus bonus ones except for one months in advance and I just needed to pop 'em on my iPod). He calls me and is heading my way, gonna take the M train today since he's leaving a little earlier than usual and wants to waste time (M train is perfect for that).

I catch him walking up by my way and I tag along. I sense I look disheveled and in no mood, he compliments my new haircut, stating he likes it, I don't know if he's being sarcastic so I just respond, "ok." He wants to pick up a coffee first before hopping on the train, I wait with him to get his cup o joe, wondering why he isn't leaning in to kiss me as usual, despite him throwing his usual smile at me. His usual heart melting glances. Fuck that, I want a kiss and motion for it but it doesn't occur, he walks out of the deli past me towards the subway. Well then fuck it so I reach for the bag, tell him thanks and head on my way. I get home thinking to myself, "all I need for this to be is my universal plug when I asked him for his IBM plug (because I still have the different heads used on the universal plug for different laptops and noticed that the one for the IBM was an older, smaller standard and this laptop needs a newer size.) It's the universal adapter, FUCK. So I immediately text Ciro about giving me the wrong adapter and if I can get Shaun's cell so I can pick it up. He tells me he'll give it to me when he's at work, I ask for his aim s/n so I can monitor when he wakes up, shoot him a message that I want to drop by and pick up a plug, in which I do tell Shaun so via AIM. When Shaun logs onto aim, he gives me his cell and I ride over to Ciro's place to make the plug switch, bringing the laptop with me to see if it'll work because if not, then I'm not taking the plug as it's unnecessary and more for me to carry back on my bike.

It doesn't fit, so I live both plugs (no wanting to take Ciro's plug and not wanting him to be without a plug for the laptop I gave him).

Time passes and Ciro tells me of Shaun attacking him and having Shaun move out, that Shaun's ridiculous and poisonous and doesn't want him as a roommate. He tells me to no longer speak to him which I gladly comply, because, you know, I still have a thing for Ciro and I want us to get together. Mind you my world view is now blue and no longer Rosy Red, someone stole my fucking red-tinted Marc by Marc Jacobs shades right off my face.

Well Ciro later gets the idea that I've been talking to Shaun behind his back, hooking up with him even? And that he no longer wants to speak or deal with me. What? Where did this come from? Well, if that's the case, fuck it, I don't care for drama, so I drop by his place to pick up my universal adapter as I just lent that to him, not give it, and I need it for my freelance work fixin' PCs, I find out he's not home to I contact Shaun to let me in and let me pick up the plug, telling Ciro that I contacted him, but Shaun, since I believe he's normal and sane, tells me I can't waltz into the apartment without Ciro's approval, especially with the way things have been going. Huh? Is this coming from the same lunatic Ciro described earlier? Well shit goes around in a circle and I can't have it (mind you I lost patience behind my bed awhile ago) so I just say fuck it and leave, tell them to piss of with each other in the most polite way, and storm home. Shaun txts me back apologizing and wished this situation didn't occur. Again, lunatic? I highly doubt it.

Well Shaun messages me of his own freewill on AIM and to much my dismay, he tells me of Ciro's skepticism of me, the recent craziness that ensued over his way, and how life is moving for him. We hold a nice steady conversation all the while I'm communicating with Ciro via email (I refuse to have his fucking snarky comments sent to me in real time and emailing allows me to edit myself properly.) One of the emails, edited:


From: me
To: Ciro
Sent: Sat, 29 Nov 2008 8:50 am
Subject: chat logs with shaun.
I just realized I labeled myself a fuck buddy, that’s my fault, I was blinded by rage that day:

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 08:36:29
[08:36] mrtrblmkr1: Hey shaun, it's Fernando, Ciro's fuckbuddy, whenever you're up, give me a ring - XXXXX, i need to pig up a laptop plug from his room. If you need anything from me, give me a call anytime.
[08:36] shaun: (auto-response from shaun) Away

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 18:43:13
[18:43] mrtrblmkr1: sup, it's Fernando, mind if I bother you , drop by, and pick up a plug from Ciro's room?
[18:48] shaun: that's chill.
[18:48] mrtrblmkr1: cool, your bell works or should i txt you?
[18:49] shaun: just call me , XXXXXX
[19:07] mrtrblmkr1: thanks, you need anything, let me know

--------------Reply---------------

From: Ciro
Sent: Sunday, November 30, 2008 8:05 PM
To: me
Subject: Re: chat logs with shaun.

i see. and how do i know you didnt just type this out yourself? shaun said he didnt know you needed to get anything. why didnt you pick up the plug? i know theres more to this considering tuesday and wednesday morning the cord WASNT on my bed but wedneday night it was.

--------------Reply---------------
From: me
To: Ciro
Sent: Mon, 1 Dec 2008 12:21 am
Subject: RE: chat logs with shaun.
Cause I didn’t, it’s all saved on a server online that cannot be altered, I use Meebo (http://www.meebo.com) and I save ALL my chat logs, including those with you.

Shaun must have been high, I don’t know, he just simply opened the door, I let myself in, he went to his room, I went into yours and dropped it off, grabbed yours and tried it out, only to have it not fit into the laptop (your model is older than the one I’m trying to fix and subsequently needs a completely new plug) and so I left both plugs.

I remember placing the plug, in its bag, right by the laptop on top of the green/blue-top bin on the right side of your bed, to the right of the laptop which was open. If it’s position moved – either you, Shaun, or a ghost moved it, not me.


I really don’t want to speak to you any further, you’ve hurt me, hurt me deeply and I can’t bear to bother – you got a free fuck, cum dump out of me and a free laptop, what more do you want of me without reciprocating? I know I’m expecting a lot (possibly the inkling of liking me) but I’m not going to force it out of you. If you want to know any more, you know how to contact me – email, txt, AIM or call.

- Fernando


It's the truth, he fucked me raw, dumped his cum in me, and then got a free laptop out of the deal and now he's flipping out on me calling me a liar and shit?

I HAD A VIRTUAL STROKE, MY ASS IS NOT LYING, I DON'T PLAY GAMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN MY HEART'S INVOLVED. FUCK YOU.

Well Ciro turns around in full circle and now he's contacting me via cell albeit it's one-sided; he doesn't really hear me or respond to what I say, he's just giving me up-to-the-moment status updates.


I'm over this scenario, it's bullshit and I hate it so much. I want Ciro in my life, but now if he has issues as big as this.


Ciro, get of the meds and get with me, it might be something good and to your benefit, you never know. That and you don't live an hour away like EBG does, I fucking just walk down the block to you!